FACE OF WOOD

i'M MEElllting...meeelllltingg...

Man, that was kinda lame. I'll make the xmas potluck tho.

MD Master Gardener Program:

Baltimore City Extension
6615 Reisterstown Road, Suite #201
Baltimore, MD 21215
410-856-1850 x121
M.G. Coordinator: Josué López
E-mail: Jlopez3@umd.edu
Web site: Baltimore Master Gardening Urban Ag. Info

Baltimore County Extension
1840 York Road, Suite J
Timonium, MD 21093
410-666-1025
Volunteer MG Coordinator: Nancy Lewis
410-666-1024
E-mail: nlewis1401@aol.com
Website: Baltimore County MG Program

Harford County Extension
P.O. Box 663
2335 Rock Spring Road
Forest Hill, MD 21050
(410) 638-3255
Fax: 410-638-3053
M.G. Coordinator: Joyce Browning
E-mail: jbrowni3@umd.edu

Oh yeah, about that. I knew it of course, all along, but I'm just not the first guy to get the message when something logical occurs.

Hello signpost, whatcha knowin? Came to watch your flower grow-in. Ainthcha got no rhymes for me?
Hello all Sundaygoers! We are going to war, and I'd like to know if everybody's got their guns out?? I got mine! Ahaha! And we're going to tear up some entrenched positions, with lightning rods. The other day I heard a goat, some people can't handle the random animal sounds. I've been winterizing, I have my tent with me and I'm looking forward to some wintertime camping. I'll have to plan for the snowiest, coldest weather this season and plant to camp for a week, just to shut everybody up. Snow is a good insulator though. I believe. I believe! I BELIEVE!!
What the hell is going on here anyway?

?
quoi?

Ah, the mellowing stage...how very important it is, not to contaminate or sour that initial inoculation, as important as (re)introduction and first (re)impressions are. I classically have a problem with sitting out emotional turmoil, which tends to result in spoiling and overthinking. If I have something on my mind it is probably more beneficial to work it out, find something productive to sublimate all my bubbling desires and worries. So far I have spent over a week doing exactly the opposite, trying to placate my feelings with substances and idleness. I have the rest of this week free, to reverse this trend and build up a little more mojo to get me through some more important stuff. I ought to be lining up said important stuff for next week, starting with this weekend, meeting beloved friends, then volunteering on Mon. and Tues, (working for Roland Tues. or Wed?) and calling people back about jobs, Mike who needs a landscaper to rake leaves (I love raking leaves), and Michelle who runs a "niche" cleaning business, so like low and middle income trash pile full house organizing, which I can dig. More fun and satisfying/challenging than being a maid.

Seems I was premature, now you may make your wish.

I've had one of those days, one of those weeks really but today seems like the culmination of it, or rather the beginning of something majorly big. There's a way of thinking that I've begun to habitually use, where I assume that everything happens for a reason, but a lot of the time it's a stretch. Today it was easy, and I felt like everything happened the way it was supposed to. I guess I "won" and I got to enjoy it, for once. Or maybe fate allowed it because it needed to be. I don't quite know. All I know is that I got to see an old friend and that it was a lot of fun, and that many good things are in the works, surrounding the event. Many good things, so that I will be prepared for the tests to come, which may be bigger and and more terrifying than anybody could possibly imagine. Or maybe just typical aggravating tragic human existence, I don't know. But I do know that tests will come, I need to be ready, whatever good things that might come my way are there so that I may do what I need to do. To all of you out there who face or may face difficulties--have faith, and have courage, and enjoy your blessings while they come, but recognize them for what they are.

Halloween, actually. This time.
It's day one every day!

Had a good week bumming around in Hamilton. Got to pick up slack tho and try it again next week like I mean it. There seems to be good gettins around and i'm gonna get some.

Well I did say solitude, but that's not quite true...I did have a duck companion, since Wednesday. So that should be news for you all. He's still a little skittish, but he was happy playing in all the puddles from the tent leaks, and when he finally realized he had a big pot of water to play in he got excited and was splashing around, it was cute. I was trying to get him to go outside, after I put up that temporary fence, but I guess ducks don't really like nasty weather any more than people do, especially when it's unfamiliar. He also approached me unusually closely while I meditated, which was interesting. I think he must be a spirit duck for me.

In other news, I was pleased to confirm that we have lots of slippery elm on the property, probably a dozen or so decent sized trees, and I'm finding seedlings too. For those not in the know in herbal medicine, it's a very useful nutritive and medicinal substance, one part of the 4-part cancer-fighting essaic formula (I have 2 more of the more common ingredients growing abundantly here also, but the elm bark is probably the hardest to get). This excites me, since my ultimate goal, the dream that makes rainy days worthwhile, is to manage an active medicinal herb farm, and slippery elm is one of the pillars of such an establishment.

In 40 degree rainy weather, in a leaky tent, with nobody breathing down your back, would you not also sleep most of the day? Only problem is the dreams begin to get a little repetitive, but if you could live with that...?

I'd do more reading, but I'm pretty sick of it, actually. I feel like I'd like to get more hands on experience with everything I'm interested in before I delve any further into the theoretical aspects, best if it would involve unfettered personal initiative and experimentation. That said, I have a feeling it's going to be a long winter for me. I think more than ever I'm going to have to come to grips with the way I spend my conscious moments. Whether to throw them away, to learn how to meet them head on, or...oh, it's all bullshit. My consciousness is garbage. I have no idea how I'm going to survive. With no distractions, and no external stimulation, my will is oblivion. I am one sad used up hippy.

That said, I'd be interested in continuing this experiment further. I think I felt some of my typical resistance to the present, my avoidance & self-destructive behaviors, beginning to break down, in my solitude. I felt that maybe I could find my tiny thin reed of self-renewing life force, still green, still remaining, in the center of many layers of diseased and rotted mind, and allow it to shoot...or maybe it was just another dream.

have you ever had an inset land on you and just start sucking your juices? I was chasing a grasshopper, caught him a few time, and after a while he just hopped straight on me and then, oddly, started sucking on my thumb. it must have been salty or oily to him, but he liked it. I had to chase him away onto another plant. Same with butterflies, poor butterfly was really exhausted, couldn't fly out of this fenced in area, had a nice relaxing rest and a meal on my arm for a little while. Sometimes bugs are just looking for some shelter & protection, like the giant hawk moth that wouldn't let go of my hand once i picked it up, then when I finally got it to stay, it flew up and landed on my mouth. it stayed there for nearly an hour while I tried to get my supervisor's attention. I failed, but coworker remarked it looked like silence of the lambs.

Point is, I'm pretty embarassed about the way I treated the humble indian strawberry. I always read that the white flowered ones are edible, but the yellow ones are inedible and a weed. Thing is, I've been fooled by weeds before, some common ones are extremely versatile edible natives (like cattail, blue violet) some are useful medicinals (allheal, ground ivy). Even common landscaping ivy, is a powerful medicinal. Today I found myself using foul language talking about invasive species, and for some reason I got really worked up over indian strawberry. I guess I was disappointed because it was not Fragaria vesca, or because I found it everywhere in the shady areas where the ground was mostly covered by vines, or in some less invaded areas deep in the woods where all the interesting native herbs should be, but it definitely had a foothold and would be impossible to extirpate, like just about every things else I had deemed unpleasant that grew in the place. But I just now learned it's a good potherb, and medicinal as well. I can definitely live with something that's useful, as more than just goat food. I mean, as a lesson, as well, I am myself humbled.

Haha, so much for the $300 idea. I can probably buy myself a decent sandwich board though.

IT APPROACHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Duck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Comes!!!!!!!!!!!!!
For!@#!!!!!!!!!!
You!!!!@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
.
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Some people are meant to have things. I have never been one of those people. I have been fated, for ill or for worse, to be a servant to others than myself. And not others, then myself. What people think of me, also denotes me for one of those who can't be trusted with responsibility. People aren't even really sure they want me to serve them, for fear of their property or nay, very identities being harmed. So I guess what I have to serve, if not myself, and not others, then perhaps Nature, or God. Both would be preferable, the one without the other can get mean. Actually any two of the three without the third would be pretty bad in my opinion. I'm all for people, don't get me wrong.

It seems that in all my being worried about my place of power in the world, I've forgotten the important task, of actually building personal power. And I'm so surprised about this, like it's some great revelation, every time. But then I've got to either do something about it, or actively ignore it until I forget again. Hm...

Well I'm feeling better about everything, maybe it will benefit me if I take my time getting into my projects after all. Goats and sheep are a big commitment, not something to be jumped into for sure. If I'm going to take charge with a personal project, I do need to be abreast of all the official stuff, talk to the zoning and tax people even, and have a solid proposal to put forth, other than "let me do my thing and I'll somehow make it work." Until then I'm just not going to bring it up, and take care of the vines for a month or so, then I might go to Pittsburgh to support the G20 protest, and then when this is all taken care of I can either get a job, or even go into the Maryland Conservation Corps--started filling out an application with Americorps, this is the last year I will be eligible due to my age (25 max) but that's the kind of thing I think Dad wants to see me doing, before I can act like I have any kind of authority spearheading the restoration project. Or even just keep a job for a year and throw some more money at him. He wants to see some evidence that I can do it, and the only evidence I can come up with really, is an attitude. But then again, my egocentrically altruistic visions are a pretty important part of how I see myself, and where I get my self-value from, and just like I need to respect his ownership and his stuff and his capital, I think he needs to respect my ideas, my ambitions, and the fact that I operate in a very straightforward manner, and I prefer as much freedom as he and I can afford to handle--I'm really not asking for a whole lot, after all, but in his eyes, it reduces to symbolism, and I can't deal with that. The social power games I do not like. Period. And while I can learn to tolerate and accommodate other people's feelings about what I do, for sure, I'm damned sure going to give everybody the relevant information concerning my optimal mode of operation (as I see it).

Predictable ego problems are predictable, but can I help it if my plans don't accommodate them?